In a moment of inspiration, have you thought of a great idea for getting back together with your ex? You have thought long and hard and you know exactly what you need to do to win your ex back. It all makes sense to you. You have the perfect plan and you can see it all unfolding before you. Before you follow through with this plan, understand that most of us come to the same conclusion and think of the same solutions for how to get back together with our ex after a breakup. Chances are that you're not as clever and unique as you might think.
Once you're done reading over these common solutions to the problem of how to get back together with your ex, understand that your thoughts are very typical. Coming to the same conclusion as the rest of us is completely normal. In spite of this, also understand that rebuilding your relationship with the one you love isn't out of the question. This emotionally charged state that you are in is very normal and it is something that you must go through in order to heal and become whole again. It is one step in the pathway to rebuilding your life and getting to the place where you need to be when that chance to rekindle the love in your relationship comes to you. You will get that chance but first you must go through this emotional hell.
First, most of us come to the conclusion that the best way to get back together with our ex is to try talking things through. This is the typical advice given to us by therapists and counselors. We are encouraged to sit down and talk about the problems in the relationship. We can then understand each other and come to an understanding. We can solve the problems and get back together.
This plan may not work out the way that you envision though. While your ex might agree to meet with you and talk with you, your motives are different. Your ex might agree to talk with you but only to give you closure or to further explain why they are done with the relationship. You, on the other hand, want to get back together. Until your ex has a desire to be with you, all the talking in the world is only wasted breath. Communication is important in a relationship but your ex has ended the relationship, at least the romantic portion of the relationship. Don't mistake your ex being kind or tolerating you in their life is an opportunity. You very well may find that they lose their patience and completely stop communicating with you.
Promising to change is often the next plan that many of us come up with when hoping to get our ex back. We feel that if we either promise to change or begin to make changes in our life that our ex will have no reason to end the relationship. You might think that if you write down a list of all the reasons why your ex said that they were leaving and then make all the necessary changes that everything will be good again.
Again, while our ex might be proud of us for making some positive changes in our life, these changes aren't going to bring our ex back. Your ex lacks the emotional desire to be with us. As a matter of fact, if your ex did want to be with you they would come back even if you didn't make any changes in your life. There are many couples that get back together in spite of terrible circumstances and problems. It is passion, desire and attraction that brings them back together and not changes that one partner made in their life. Changing or promising to change will not bring about that passion and desire, sad to say.
Certainly, if you were the perfect partner and you were to be thoughtful and kind to your ex then they would see that you really loved them. The idea of buying your ex gifts or writing thoughtful emails, letters, cards or poetry is another great idea. You might even think that by performing some wonderfully romantic gesture such as sending your ex flowers or publicly displaying your love for your ex will get their attention. You might believe that your ex does still love you and they simply need to have their heart strings plucked in order to be reminded. This scenario is often played out in romantic movies so this surely must be the way back into your ex's heart.
While this sort of plan always works in the movies, life isn't a movie. This plan almost always backfires and it very well might make your ex angry. Your ex might look at your continued contact as harassment and you very well could wind up with a restraining order to deal with for your trouble. Your ex will probably think that you've gone a little crazy, if nothing else, and they will grow even more distant. Save these kinds of romantic gestures for after you have gotten back together. They will be appreciated much more then and help solidify your relationship once your ex is in love with you again.
The true key to your success in getting your ex back is to have them fall in love with you again. You ex needs to miss having you in their life. They need to remember what it was like to be in love with the person they first met. Your ex needs to fall in love with you all over again. That love needs be born anew. No amount of talking, gift giving or change on your part is going to make your ex fall in love with you again. It will happen all on its own. That love is still there. It is simply buried under a lot of resentment, frustration and fear.
Only understanding and time will allow your ex to realize that they still love you. You are actually better off doing absolutely nothing than pursuing your ex at this point. Emotions and love are very fickle and they can change very quickly. Your ex might say that they don't love you anymore or they could even deny that they ever loved you but tomorrow they very well might feel differently. This is human nature and even the most logical person is subject to this emotional swing when it comes to love. Be patient and wait for your opportunity to arrive. Have your life in order and be strong as you wait for things to change before you consider doing anything to try to get your ex back.
Once you're done reading over these common solutions to the problem of how to get back together with your ex, understand that your thoughts are very typical. Coming to the same conclusion as the rest of us is completely normal. In spite of this, also understand that rebuilding your relationship with the one you love isn't out of the question. This emotionally charged state that you are in is very normal and it is something that you must go through in order to heal and become whole again. It is one step in the pathway to rebuilding your life and getting to the place where you need to be when that chance to rekindle the love in your relationship comes to you. You will get that chance but first you must go through this emotional hell.
First, most of us come to the conclusion that the best way to get back together with our ex is to try talking things through. This is the typical advice given to us by therapists and counselors. We are encouraged to sit down and talk about the problems in the relationship. We can then understand each other and come to an understanding. We can solve the problems and get back together.
This plan may not work out the way that you envision though. While your ex might agree to meet with you and talk with you, your motives are different. Your ex might agree to talk with you but only to give you closure or to further explain why they are done with the relationship. You, on the other hand, want to get back together. Until your ex has a desire to be with you, all the talking in the world is only wasted breath. Communication is important in a relationship but your ex has ended the relationship, at least the romantic portion of the relationship. Don't mistake your ex being kind or tolerating you in their life is an opportunity. You very well may find that they lose their patience and completely stop communicating with you.
Promising to change is often the next plan that many of us come up with when hoping to get our ex back. We feel that if we either promise to change or begin to make changes in our life that our ex will have no reason to end the relationship. You might think that if you write down a list of all the reasons why your ex said that they were leaving and then make all the necessary changes that everything will be good again.
Again, while our ex might be proud of us for making some positive changes in our life, these changes aren't going to bring our ex back. Your ex lacks the emotional desire to be with us. As a matter of fact, if your ex did want to be with you they would come back even if you didn't make any changes in your life. There are many couples that get back together in spite of terrible circumstances and problems. It is passion, desire and attraction that brings them back together and not changes that one partner made in their life. Changing or promising to change will not bring about that passion and desire, sad to say.
Certainly, if you were the perfect partner and you were to be thoughtful and kind to your ex then they would see that you really loved them. The idea of buying your ex gifts or writing thoughtful emails, letters, cards or poetry is another great idea. You might even think that by performing some wonderfully romantic gesture such as sending your ex flowers or publicly displaying your love for your ex will get their attention. You might believe that your ex does still love you and they simply need to have their heart strings plucked in order to be reminded. This scenario is often played out in romantic movies so this surely must be the way back into your ex's heart.
While this sort of plan always works in the movies, life isn't a movie. This plan almost always backfires and it very well might make your ex angry. Your ex might look at your continued contact as harassment and you very well could wind up with a restraining order to deal with for your trouble. Your ex will probably think that you've gone a little crazy, if nothing else, and they will grow even more distant. Save these kinds of romantic gestures for after you have gotten back together. They will be appreciated much more then and help solidify your relationship once your ex is in love with you again.
The true key to your success in getting your ex back is to have them fall in love with you again. You ex needs to miss having you in their life. They need to remember what it was like to be in love with the person they first met. Your ex needs to fall in love with you all over again. That love needs be born anew. No amount of talking, gift giving or change on your part is going to make your ex fall in love with you again. It will happen all on its own. That love is still there. It is simply buried under a lot of resentment, frustration and fear.
Only understanding and time will allow your ex to realize that they still love you. You are actually better off doing absolutely nothing than pursuing your ex at this point. Emotions and love are very fickle and they can change very quickly. Your ex might say that they don't love you anymore or they could even deny that they ever loved you but tomorrow they very well might feel differently. This is human nature and even the most logical person is subject to this emotional swing when it comes to love. Be patient and wait for your opportunity to arrive. Have your life in order and be strong as you wait for things to change before you consider doing anything to try to get your ex back.
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